Elliot/Valerii

This exam honestly didn't feel like an experience—more like "the Judgement Day" for me.

I've been studying English intensively for literally half of my life, if not more: I started leaning English at school at the age of 6, and by the age of 10, I already had a great tutor and huge motivation to learn. I've been practising Cambridge tests for 7 years or so, leaning from my mistakes all the way through B1 to, finally, C1.

Today was The Day. Cambridge C1 Advanced. The 4 parts I have known since childhood: Reading and Use of English, Writing, Listening, and Speaking.

I think I got a passing grade (even though Reading and Use of English Part 4 was unsurprisingly the worst; everyone complains about it). There's nothing more I can do: just wait till the end of July to find out the result.

It's the same story: Eurovision is (intentionally, I believe) placing Israel really close to the first place but then never let's it actually win. Yes, I know five countries withdrew the competition this year because of Israel's participation, and Israel winning would cause so much hate so that barely any country would even show up, but I'm still so angry.

Anyway, I do not regret voting for Israel this year. The song is genuinely cool. Congratulations, Noam!!! Second place is still a great result!

As of general impression, there were so many good songs on Eurovision in 2026, it was unbelievably hard to choose! (And so many beautiful women and handsome men, my bisexual heart is crying).

But Romania! It was absolutely cooking! My vote went to this song as well.

So, I can finally say I really enjoyed Eurovion this year, even though my favorite songs weren't to jury's liking.

Yesterday was my birthday! I'm officially 18 years old now!

And by the way. I'm sorry for not posting (or logging in) on Tumblr or Dreamwidth. I really appreciate nice people I met here and great blogs I found. But honestly, now, as I don't use Tumblr nearly as much as I used to, I finally feel so free. After touching some grass, I realized how good it is to be so offline, as I have so much free time for my activities and studies. And I was so focused on my own life that I forgot about Dreamwith. 🤣

I'm not deleting neither this nor Tumblr pages, since I love the effort I had been putting into them for years before leaving. And I also will use Tumblr from time to time to read some posts and Dreamwidth to reply or post occasionally, but no more.

I had to do a lot of stuff recently and, as the title already said, I forgot I had social media at all. 🤣
But that's for the better I guess, since I had from little to no time to scroll through Tumblr, and my anxiety was reduced thanks to it.

I kinda look forward for 2026. There's still a hope inside me that the next year will be better.
Anyway, I wish you all happy New Year! 🫂🎄

https://wegotthiscovered.com/movies/mark-hamill-confirms-luke-han-kissed-star-wars-deleted-scene/

SO THEY KISSED??? I'VE LEARNT ABOUT IT JUST NOW

"East Germans had no clue about Stasi, actually" gotta be one of the dumbest things I've heard from far too many leftists. Not only do these people admit they know nothing about everyday life in East Germany, but they literally say it's okay to police people because they might disagree with the government. "But Stasi didn't arrest ordinary citizens, only the regime's opponents" is something I also heard from them, and it made me wonder what they really want for the working class they pretend to care about.

Let's talk honestly about Detering from the book All Quiet on the Western Front. Specifically about his actions at the end of the novel.

Detering is "a peasant, who thinks of nothing but his farm-yard and his wife" (quote). In chapter eleven, Paul (Remarque) describes Detering as follows: "He was one of those who kept himself to himself. His misfortune was that he saw a cherry tree in a garden." His misfortune. Later, the reader sees him desert. Paul recalls that it would have been better to flee through Holland, but Detering went straight to Germany, for what he was captured as a deserter. And if the reader decides to search for the punishment for desertion during World War I (or tries to guess for themselves), they will understand that Detering was most likely shot. And that's exactly what I want to talk about.

Just think about it: people are torn away from their normal lives in various ways — whether through mobilization or propaganda — and sent to fight on the front lines. I won't repeat what happens in war; Herr Remarque has already written about it. And any things from one's "past life" (like the cherry tree in Detering's case) can have a powerful effect on a person in inhuman conditions.

In German, there is the concept of Heimweh — longing for Motherland. And I think this is exactly the case here.

Allow me to quote another passage from the same book, chapter one, my italics: "But for all that we were no mutineers, no deserters, no cowards—_they were very free with all these expressions._"

They try to instill in us that a "deserter" is something bad, that he is a traitor to his country. But tell me, please, how can one kill a man for wanting to live!? How can you punish a person for not wanting to take anyone's life!? Is it ethical to kill a person who wants to go home!?

And most importantly... in Remarque's time, people were not stingy with the words "deserter" and "coward"... and what has changed? Nowadays civilians are standing for the war to continue, to "win," to "restore the borders." Propaganda has convinced them that their homeland must "win" the war, that THIS war is "fair" and not a terrible attempt by the rich to make money. The state has always said and will continue to say that "true patriots" must "do their duty to the Motherland," and therefore they introduce compulsory military service (which, in my opinion, is a violation of human rights) and shout about "patriotism."

And what about the people who were taken to the front? They desert. And they believe that it is better to drown in a river while escaping than to die for the "Motherland."

What I say: "I'm interested in history, especially the 20th century and especially in Germany. Yes, I do read a lot about Nazi war crimes and the dark sides of the GDR. I've been to many memorials and museums dedicated to 20th-century Germany. I do NOT support Nazism. I also acknowledge that the Socialist government committed many crimes (Stasi, Berlin Wall, etc.), and I don’t support them either."

Literally everyone else’s reactions:

"Omg, you're a Nazi!!!" (grabs my right arm and lifts it up) "Say it! Say 'Heil Hitler'!"

"Finally, someone who worships communism!"

"Die, Nazi."

"Die, Commie."

"Pick a side: Nazi or Commie!"

And many other... It feels like people have lost their reading/listening comprehension skills.

I noticed how some people got way too comfortable being openly xenophobic and how others got way too comfortable with tolerating and justifying this behavior.

It's "we are all humans and deserve to be treated as such" until it's about people from the country whose government you hate. It's "every culture is amazing and should be respected" until it's about a culture you're told to despise. It's "each language is important" until terrible people speak it.

I see how people thoughtlessly repeat slogans without understanding what they really stand for just because the internet told them it's right and everyone says it. I see how people label someone who even slightly disagrees with them as "evil" without even trying to listen. I see how people simplify awful, bloody wars they know literally nothing about to "these are good guys and these are bad guys" as if it's a TV show. And I see how "you're either with us, or against us" mindset sinks deeper into people's heads with each day.

The worst part? I don't have to mention any certain country this applies to. It can be applied everywhere, which is why I won't tag any.