Xenophobia

Jul. 27th, 2025 04:17 pm
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I noticed how some people got way too comfortable being openly xenophobic and how others got way too comfortable with tolerating and justifying this behavior.

It's "we are all humans and deserve to be treated as such" until it's about people from the country whose government you hate. It's "every culture is amazing and should be respected" until it's about a culture you're told to despise. It's "each language is important" until terrible people speak it.

I see how people thoughtlessly repeat slogans without understanding what they really stand for just because the internet told them it's right and everyone says it. I see how people label someone who even slightly disagrees with them as "evil" without even trying to listen. I see how people simplify awful, bloody wars they know literally nothing about to "these are good guys and these are bad guys" as if it's a TV show. And I see how "you're either with us, or against us" mindset sinks deeper into people's heads with each day.

The worst part? I don't have to mention any certain country this applies to. It can be applied everywhere, which is why I won't tag any.

A room

Jul. 7th, 2025 08:16 pm
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For a long time, on my profile picture was Dave Mustaine. I never really put much thought into it. It was there and that’s all that mattered. Better than having nothing. Now, instead of the Megadeth frontman (I was tired of that photo, not gonna lie), there’s some Soviet-style room with a guy sitting in the middle. It’s just a random photo I found on the internet a couple of years ago.

But what’s kind of sad is that this photo actually means something to me. I grew up in a room like that.
Only, in my room, in a flat in a typical Soviet panel house, there was a massive bookshelf left behind by the previous owner. It was filled with classics, most of the editions were over 30 and 40 years.
Opposite the shelf was a wardrobe, a desk, my bed… and my toys. I’m not a kid anymore, but I still love my toys. And my room — it was warm. I remember that. Even though it didn’t look exactly like the one in the photo, that image still fills me with a strange warmth and nostalgia.

But there’s one thing about it that breaks my heart. Every time I feel physically cold now, I mentally go back to my room. That’s probably the most painful memory.

The power was out. It was late February or maybe early March. It was cold. The same room where, just a year before, in 2021, I’d stayed up late listening to music, reading, finishing homework, and genuinely believing there would be no full-scale war. That room became freezing. So cold that my mom started using it like a fridge, since the actual refrigerator didn’t work without electricity.
I hid under a blanket, shivering. And when the sun went down, I’d stare at the candlelight and blow it out early, hoping it would last until the next night. All I wanted was to fall asleep quickly. Only the bombings kept my heart frozen.

I’ll never forget February 24, 2022.
At home.
In Kharkiv, Ukraine.
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(This text will deal exclusively with Bäumer's book version without regard to any film adaptation of the novel.)


I think anyone who has carefully read All Quiet on the Western Front has noticed Paul's closeness with his comrades, but especially with Albert and Katczinsky. Remembering more of the scene with Paul and the French girl in Chapter 7, the modern theory that Bäumer is actually bisexual comes out. And while I can see that this is indeed a possible interpretation within the text, in my opinion, it can not be seen as the only one.

The whole book screams about how at the front human needs are lowered to the level of the most basic needs, which are easily satisfied in civil life, and social frameworks are blurred to the point where they simply disappear. You don't have to go far, just open the first chapter and read a couple of pages: the soldiers are happy to have double portions of food (because only 80 out of 150 men returned) and are used to sitting in a common toilet where the recruits are shy to go for the first time.

It's also worth mentioning that Bäumer is a writer. More precisely, the author of a bundle of poems and an unfinished play in his room. The descriptions in the novel (which, let me remind you, is written in the first person) are proof of his talent as a writer. And artists are, as a rule, people who feel life differently: closer to the heart. This could not but affect his vision of the world, which was perverted by the war, and, consequently, his attitude to his friends.

There's a world war going on. The first. Before 1914, the world had never experienced such massive bloodshed. Dozens of people die every day, either on the battlefield, or in the lazarettes, or elsewhere. Yesterday you were sitting in the rear, today you are hiding from enemy artillery and aircraft with the risk that your name will be on the list of the dead (if your body is found at all). Nothing lasts forever: every moment with your friends will sooner or later be your last. The trauma of war unites them (the soldiers), for not even their mothers can understand that pain. Isn't it obvious why Paul is so attached to his comrades?

And, of course, it's worth pointing out: if you haven't noticed it—and I'm sure you have—any male intimacy in the eyes of society becomes an object of "suspicion" of homosexuality, both on the "bad" side ("Ew, you're gay?") and on the "good" side ("Oh, wow, you're gay?"). And in my opinion, this is something that we, as a tolerant 21st-century society, should not automatically ascribe to LGBT. By the way, neither should we turn the multifaceted concept of love into a monotonous romance (because saying "I love him" does not necessarily indicate romantic feelings). And this applies, by the way, not only to fictional book characters.
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(This post was written partially influenced by Kanye West's new song, however, half of the things I wanted to say long ago)

I don't care if someone says I sound radical, because I can't speak softly when it comes to Nazism, antisemitism and attempts to normalise slogans of hate that destroyed millions of people deemed "unworthy of life".

"Heil Hitler" is not a provocation. It's not music. It is a Nazi slogan. And admiring a Nazi dictator (and yes, "jokes" about an "Austrian painter" as well) is an crime against memory.

And there are those who defend it. Those who call West's new song justified, because "a Jewish lawyer took his children away from him" (whatever the situation in his personal life is, it's no excuse for antisemitism). Or who says that this "good song" was about the Kardashians (I don't even want to discuss this nonsense). And all of this is just proof that the world has returned to that most dangerous point of hatred (and the scary thing is, the Jews have been talking about it for a long time).

Why do only those who were and are still affected by this speak out? Why are only Jews and Germans (I saw only them) not silent? Why is the whole world applauding? These are rhetorical questions.

I don’t want to be silent. No, Kanye West didn’t suddenly make me realize the danger of antisemitism and the growing popularity of Nazi ideas — I had been concerned about this long before.

I’m not Jewish, but I care deeply about the Jewish people and want to stand with them. If that, as well as hating Nazism, makes me a radical, so be it. However, in my opinion, there is no other way to fight hate.
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I can't help but write about it.

TW graphic descriptions of injuries and wounds, (wartime) death, suicide or suicide attempts, severe trauma, amputations, hospital imagery, (war-related) violence, PTSD.

Book context: Paul Bäumer is wounded and is in the Catholic Hospital.

Real-life context: Erich Maria Remarque was wounded by shell shrapnel in his left leg, right arm and neck on 31 July 1917, and after being medically evacuated from the field was repatriated to an army hospital in Duisburg, where he recovered from his wounds. After that, in October 1918, he was recalled to military service, but after the end of WWI, he put an end to his military career.

"On the next floor below are the abdominal and spine cases, head wounds and double amputations. On the right side of the wing are the jaw wounds, gas cases, nose, ear, and neck wounds. On the left the blind and the lung wounds, pelvis wounds, wounds in the joints, wounds in the testicles, wounds in the intestines. Here a man realizes for the first time in how many places a man can get hit.

Two fellows die of tetanus. Their skin turns pale, their limbs stiffen, at last only their eyes live—stubbornly. Many of the wounded have their shattered limbs hanging free in the air from a gallows; underneath the wound a basin is placed into which the pus drips. Every two or three hours the vessel is emptied. Other men lie in stretching bandages with heavy weights hanging from the end of the bed. I see intestine wounds that are constantly full of excreta. The surgeon's clerk shows me X-ray photographs of completely smashed hip-bones, knees, and shoulders.

A man cannot realize that above such shattered bodies there are still human faces in which life goes its daily round. And this is only one hospital, one single station; there are hundreds of thousands in Germany, hundreds of thousands in France, hundreds of thousands in Russia. How senseless is everything that can ever be written, done, or thought, when such things are possible. It must all be lies and of no account when the culture of a thousand years could not prevent this stream of blood being poured out, these torture-chambers in their hundreds of thousands. A hospital alone shows what war is.

I am young, I am twenty years old; yet I know nothing of life but despair, death, fear, and fatuous superficiality cast over an abyss of sorrow. I see how peoples are set against one another, and in silence, unknowingly, foolishly, obediently, innocently slay one another. I see that the keenest brains of the world invent weapons and words to make it yet more refined and enduring. And all men of my age, here and over there, throughout the whole world, see these things; all my generation is experiencing these things with me. What would our fathers do if we suddenly stood up and came before them and proffered our account? What do they expect of us if a time ever comes when the war is over? Through the years our business has been killing;—it was our first calling in life. Our knowledge of life is limited to death. What will happen afterwards? And what shall come out of us?"

A piece from the tenth chapter of All Quiet on the Western Front.

Everything that was written about hospitals (Dying Room, for instance) and lazarettes was something Remarque actually witnessed. Young boys trying to kill themselves after becoming blind (it was written in the chapter ten that nurses tried not to give a knife to a blind soldier, however, he tried to kill himself with a fork) or after losing one leg (remember Albert's words?), people dying of tetanus, beds becoming empty, intestine wounds...

I believe that Paul Bäumer as a character was, in fact, Erich Maria Remarque's alter ego. Paul became the voice. Not only Remarque's, but the his entire generation's (which is, according to the theory of generations, Lost Generation). Paul speaks of died because of WWI boys, who had no life after school and were taken to a battlefield, tells about poor families like his, who were constantly worried about their sons and had no idea of what the front really was (chapter seven), explains why the war happened (chapter one: "The wisest were just the poor and simple people. They knew the war to be a misfortune, whereas people who were better off were beside themselves with joy, though they should have been much better able to judge what the consequences would be," and chapter nine: ""Then what exactly is the war for?"asks Tjaden. / Kat shrugs his shoulders. "There must be some people to whom the war is useful."") and which consequences it has. And I tremble with rage when I see people who genuinely believe this book is "too depressing" or "senseless" (my classmate really said that, and I know she's not the only one with this opinion). Or, what's worse, I saw a screen of a negative review in which AQOTWF was called a "libertard mindset propaganda" (well, it was actually written regarding the 2022 film, but still).

Paul, like many, many killed boys in reality, had hobbies (chapter seven: "Above me on the wall hangs the glass case with the coloured butterflies that once I collected"), favorite food (chapter seven: ""there is just your favourite dish, potato-cakes, and even whortle-berries to go with them too.""), friends... Yesterday it was all here, today it's destroyed by war. By a senseless war which is only profitable for rich.
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For a long time I've been posting on tumblr thing about Jewish culture, history, and (rarely) politics, so I'd sincerely like to avoid various misunderstandings, especially since I've started reading a few jumblr blogs (I like their content).

I’m not Jewish by birth and never tried to pretend I was. A very long time ago (definitely more than a year and a half, but I'm not sure) I began to take an interest in Jewish history, culture, and Judaism in general; it started because of a story I was writing (one of my minor characters was Jewish). I don't want to go into too much detail, to be honest, but some time ago (can't remember), I started thinking about conversion to Judaism.

Probably, some of you may have followed me thinking I was already Jewish. I'm sorry if I made you think that, but I'm not... or not yet. If you choose to stay with me, thank you. And if you decide to leave, I understand.

I just want to be honest with you. And I hope I was and still am seen as respectful (as a gentile) toward the Jewish people. I wish you all the best, and thank you for your attention.
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This is probably the most political post I've had so far.
That year, there was a huge outcry over Israel's participation in Eurovision. The hate towards Eden Golan was so huge... No matter what your political beliefs are, bullying someone is disgusting.
I'll be honest, I never really followed Eurovision. I just wasn't interested in it. However, all the chaos in 2024 made me read at least something about it. And as I scrolled through the Tumblr, I realized that it's always better to look into something yourself than to trust everyone on the internet (so I apologise if I may have said or liked something awful during Euro 2024 or earlier).
A vast majority of shit that Golan received in her address was antisemitism. One of the saddest parts of it is that there weren't only anonymous people on the internet doing it, but the rest of the performers that year as well (not all, though). And I dread to imagine the fury Yuval Raphael will face (or already does)...
I read Raphael's biography. My heart breaks not only from the realization of the tragedy, the fear she experienced in real life, but also from the fact she (as, unfortunately, other Israelis) is and will continue to be hated because of her country of birth. How awful! 🤬
I listened to her song. Such a gentle, affectionate, yet strong voice. I wish her only the best. And I wish everyone peace. There's nothing better than a peaceful sky above our heads.
What about Eurovision? I'll wait for the results. And for the sake of my own sanity, I won't scroll through Tumblr tags about ESC during the show (and after it... and before as well).
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Looking through my old entries (whether in my personal diary or Tumblr) and messages, I can't help but notice how I've changed. Of course, this is the natural thing to do. However, there is that thing from the past that has been my whole life since I was a kid, but was gradually superseded by others. And that's Iron Maiden.

I used to adore this band, and I wouldn't be lying if I said that I was "addicted" to it (I still have "and my addictions are Iron Maiden,..." in my tumblr bio after several years). It really was my light, something that I truly loved with all my soul.... and Janick was my #1! And yeah, talking about him... I'm cringing now at how I felt it was my duty to prove his haters in the YouTube comments wrong! And how angry I was at the "posers" who didn't know all the songs of the band (because I, no kidding, really knew and until now know them all, from which albums they are from, when they were released and with what lineup)... Oh, what a lot of things I did in my 12-14 years!

The "replacement" happened gradually: I started to slowly get into other things, like history and literature. I realized what I wanted to do with my life and started to get into it. I also got some equally interesting bands on my playlist. Before I knew it, my interest in Iron Maiden was waning.

And no, I still love Iron Maiden. I'm even writing this post while listening to Killers and Fear of the Dark (albums). It may no longer be my passion like it used to be, but I still love it. My journey into fanfiction started with it (and I still don't mind reading or re-reading good fanfics about them). And no day of my life is complete without my favorite songs from childhood in the background.

I love Iron Maiden. Only now it's only a piece of my soul, not the whole of it. Though not so big, but a significant piece, without which I can't (and don't want to) imagine my trueself.
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I've seen a lot of people discussing the deaths of Kat and Bäumer (less often Müller), but I haven't seen anyone say a word about Haie's death; understandable, though, since Haie is a minor character, but still. And the fact that Paul was holding his hand... I think my soul is about to cry. As much as it did after Kemmerich's death. As much as it did after the whole 6th chapter, when only 32 people out of 150 returned.
Still, All Quiet on the Western Front is the best anti-war book, in my opinion. I can't speak for the movies since I haven't seen any, but the book definitely is (for it was written by a soldier). And I am very glad to be able to read this masterpiece in German (which is not my mother tongue, but I'm learning it intensively; which is also the reason I tag everything about AQOTWF as Im Westen nichts Neues).
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All these very rare photos of celebrities with their families, children, and even screenshots of messages with someone which are posted by the fans just scare me. Are celebrities not human and don't deserve personal space? Is it so hard to respect a person's personal boundaries (yes, yes, celebrities included)?
It's not the fact that members of my favorite bands have their own lives that scares me. It's the fact that some fans post their idols' personal family photos on the internet, even though they don't know these people personally in real life (consequently, I doubt they have permission to post such things) and only love their art scares me.
Maybe I'm worrying too much about things I shouldn't be thinking about at all, maybe this whole post doesn't make sense, but I wanted to say that for a very long time.
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I don't think I can talk about that in Tumblr. However, I want to write about it.
I started to learn about Jewish culture, religion, language, names (a bit), and history (mostly 20th century and in Germany) for one of my OC being Jew. I read a lot of articles online, watched several YouTube videos, and visited museums and memorials dedicated to Jewish history, Holocaust, and WWII. Berlin's Holocaust Memorial, Führerbunker in Berlin, Bebelplatz in Berlin (a place where Nazis burnt books on May 1933), Oskar Schindler's Enamel factory in Kraków, and Jewish Museum in Prague were the ones I remembered the most.
Seeing antisemitism spreading again in the 21st century just makes me question: why? How come we never learnt anything from history? How come we forgot about tragic events that happened 80 years ago (even some people who survived 1940s are still alive)? How is it that a nation that has been hated by everyone for its entire history (special taxes for Jews, comparing people to dirt because of religion, ethnic murders, pogroms of Jewish homes and stores, and the bloodiest genocide ever) is being hated again due to the actions of a government of the country they don't even live in and may not even support (after all, not all Jews live in Israel and not everyone supports the war)?
It may sound controversial. However, my beliefs are that we are all people. Any form of hatred toward any group of people for something that doesn't hurt anyone (religion, nationality, etc) mustn't consider normal. Even if the government does crazy things and some people support it.
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Whatever the reasons for any war, massacres and other terrible things, whatever laws are passed in your country and so on, your humanity must remain in you. No matter what happens in the world, human morality should not change because of it.
And yes, you can't hate an entire nation because of the actions of their government or a certain organization. Hate someone for their actions, not for a factor that can't be changed.
I am on the side of people and peace first and foremost. May it sound childishly naive, but I choose to keep my humanity. No war is worth the lives lost and the tears of people (especially children).
We are all human beings, after all. It's awful that we forget that.
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I recently saw the movie Before the Fall (2004).
I couldn't help but write about it.
The movie is about 16-year-old Friedrich, who gets a chance to enroll Napola—a Nazi school, upon graduation from which one can get a high position in the Nazi hierarchy. Disobeying his father, who does not support the government, and consequently his son's desire to study there, he runs away from home. In Napola, Friedrich meets Albrecht, and the latter helps him to rethink the idea he truly believed in and to see what Nazism really is.
The film in no way romanticizes Nazism or fascism, nor does it expose them for the good. Just the opposite; it shows the viewer how children became victims of Nazi propaganda, how cruel the Nazis were and how difficult it was to see the truth and most importantly—to remain human when everyone is gone mad.
I absolutely loved Albrecht at the beginning, but I loved him even more after the scene where he read out his essay and didn't stop when the teacher demanded to. But I can't ignore Friedrich's arc: would you have had the courage and intelligence to realize that what you believed in was only bringing harm and killing?
The relationship between Friedrich and Albrecht is one of the best I've ever seen, and the scene in the restroom was heartbreaking. And I probably understand why people ship them.
I highly recommend this movie. And I'm genuinely excited for those who will watch it for the first time.
10/10
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Hi everyone!
So... today was my birthday. I can freely say that now, I have much more responsibility than I got one or even two years ago. And I still don't feel like my age. I sometimes think I lost the 4 years of my life (11-15) doing nothing. I hadn't many friends, never went out for a long time, obeyed my parents, was having a ball all alone... However, I also studied art (by the way, I wrote my first fic when I was 12; it's awful, but there are some well-written scenes), listened to music, found some sciences I am interested at (linguistics), and, most importantly, got experience.
Yes, I'm learning how to live this life, just like everyone else: I make the same old mistakes, discover something new every day, open mind for the different views... I thank you all. For everything you have ever made to me. I love you all.
Thanks for attention.
thelostfactor: (Default)
Now, let me explain what I meant. 🤣
As it turned out, today we had a history test. The topic was Ancient Greece. I was astonished, but this was not the only issue... My friends said the test will include Alexander the Great and Hellenstic Greece; these were the topics which we never took in classes (also, our teacher didn't even say anything about them).
I didn't panic: I googled the lyrics of Iron Maiden's song "Alexander the Great" and, while reading, was checking every piece of information. And you know, this actually helped me. 🤣
Thanks for attention. 🤣
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WARNING: THIS POST HAS MANY SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK "THE SONG OF ACHILLES!"

To be honest, I knew this book existed since... 2021, I think? I saw literally all LGBTQ+ content makers recommending it in their "X books with gay representation" lists and telling it worth your attention. At first, I was skeptical about “The Song of Achilles” - I already had, to put it mildly, bad experience with LGBTQ+ literature since for that time, I had read around 8 books (one dilogy, one trilogy, comics, and a few stand-alone books) with gay representation, but I only liked 2 of them. Onky after a long time, I decided to give TSOA a chance. And I have no regrets.

Patroclus relives his memories since his birth. The further the story goes, the more he remembers: his family, Helen who chose Menelaus, dead friend, exile, meeting with Achilles, falling in love, first accidental kiss, Thetis, Achilles' mother, who hated him, their teacher Chiron, growing love for Achilleus, the begging of Trojan War, hiding his beloved from the war, coming to Troy, staying in the camp, saving Briseis, promise to his love, the best of all the Greeks, and Hector, his murderer... But his last thought is Achilles. His loved one learns about Patroclus' death and takes revenge, dying. And in the end, Thetis, staing on her son's grave, lets Patroclus go and see Achilles the underworld.
I loved the atmosphere of the book — it is immediately clear that Madeline Miller was interested in the book and the world she wrote about. I googled about characters and their relationships, and it's all true (maybe, except for Thetis hatred of Patroclus; I couldn't find the information about this). These are small details, but it's nice to see how autors pay attention to them. Romance between two main characters was amazing, and I took several notes. :)
And about the end... Even if I didn't cry physically, my soul was in hysterics. How that was beautifully written. How heartbreaking it was seeing Achilles lying down next to the dead body of his loved one, and Patroclus, who had no voice and body to help him, calm down and wipe away the tears. They met again in the underworld, and my soul couldn't calm down for a long time.
I read this book in 3-4 days. It's my only book which has no creases I accidentally made (this always happens to me when the book has thin bound), no pencil highlighting (because I loved everything there), no stickers... no one of these. My bookmark was a bill from the store where I bought "The Song of Achilles," and I never changed it. This book has no my trace. Perhaps there are only slightly yellowed pages from mine. And I still can't believe it's the end. 352 pages were not enough for me. Maybe one day I'll reread it again, but stretching out the pleasure. But... I loved it a lot and just couldn't put it down and stop. I'm excited, and I recommend "The Song to Achilles" to everyone. Just please... read it slower. :)
thelostfactor: (Default)
TW: self-hate and many other bad things.

Well... in March, I got a writer's block. I swear, I had so many fanfiction ideas in my head, but neither of them was released and actually written, even though I had everything: plan, desire, passion, ideas... It just didn't go. But the worst of all was anxiety. "What if this is not realistic?" and "This is terrible." "Your readers are waiting!" and "Look, they forgot about you, and they love other authors more than you. You're not needed to anyone!" "Look, many authors are already writing their 50th fic. Why are you so lazy?" and "The world would be better without the piece of garbage like you." Nightmares about being hated and having to leave fanfiction world. Terrible scenes in my head. I lost my love for the fanfiction (and not only it — many other hobbies I loved were almost forgotten). A huge amount of terrible situations got me off track.
And I realized that this must NOT continue. I have many, many ideas. So I should implement them. At least one or two.
And maybe I'll change the language I'm writing (I used to write in two languages and then translate the remaining parts into one). I hope I'll be able to publish anything soon.
thelostfactor: (Default)
Me (never fell in love with a person, never had been in a romantic relationship, and learned about romance from media): * searches for 100500 hours about a healthy and realistic romantic relationship, tries to figure out in his head how to build good and long-term relationships between characters, asks his friends who have at least once experienced romantic attraction to someone how it all works, and so on*
Also me: (Looks at the piece of text where one character blushes when their loved one comes in the room) What if this is unrealistic and too clichéd? (Looks at the piece where two characters who are together had an argument) Yes, this happens, but what if this is abusive? Yes, they will talk about this when they both calm down, but still... (Realized people would also love to read the story for 18+ scenes, and I have no idea how to write them since I have no experience in 18+ stuff, too) So, maybe one character will be asexual, why not? Some people have relationships without 18+... WHAT. IF. THIS. IS. NOT. REALISTIC!?

Sorry, I needed to say that. I'm really nervous about these things, and I wanted to express this somehow.
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I felt how the days started to feel so long, and the years — short. It's hard to explain, but... I can't believe that 2018 has been gone for almost 6 years. Sometimes, I think that it's 2020, but it's already the end of 2023 (not even 2022). At the same time, one day feels like eternity. And I can't explain anything. It's just the feeling.

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